The city of love (Romance)

It  had me! i was captivated, i was awed! i was staring but not seeing, i was drooling, literally with my mouth open and saliva dropping down my slightly parted lips, i was in love (again). dont get me wrong, it wasn't the most magnificent thing i have seen, but i think it was just the timing and my mind set, plus the feeling of accomplishment (you see, i have been looking forward to this trip for a very long time.)
 it was an amazing journey until i needed some assistance, then it dawned on me that once again i'm in Europe, and English is not exactly there strong suit.(smh)
so i stayed in this fancy Hostel, not too far from the Airport, the reason i chose this hostel was because they had a shuttle to and from the Airport,( i didn't want to get ripped off by Airport Taxi's, seeing as it was my first time in Paris), the shuttle also takes you to the nearest train station where you can get a train to the city certain, it was just perfect for me.
 i have traveled a lot, but this was the first time i was travelling to a big city Alone, i got lost one too many times in the train station, but i felt at home with all the black faces around (it was nothing like Tallinn) so i knew it didn't really matter i can always ask around for my way.(my first disappointment)
Anyways when i got a hang of my way around, i had fun, it was a great week, i did everything (you can imagine i would do) a tourist would do , i visited every nook and crannies, i took late night walks, i drank wine with strangers, i was elated, it was trip i would like to re live.

One year gone!

Hello People,

It's a new year, its a new life and i'm feeling good.... 

First, i must apologise, its been a year already people, on e whole year since i last visited, you can be certain a lot has happened.. where do i even start from? 

I have fallen in and out of love , 

I have played parent and kid role,

I have finally finished that Thesis and graduated,

I got a job,(nothing fancy)

I have lived in three different locations in the past year,

 Yes i traveled too (that  is the most important, and boy! did a lot happen on that trip)

It has been one crazy life since the last time i was here...

 I have lost friends (well, people i thought were my friends)

I know you want to hear about it, but no worries i will dish.

How do you differentiate Nigerians

I sat on my chair and surfing the net to gather as much info as i possibly can before lunch time, and m y colleague decides to engage me in a discussion about Nigeria, on a normal day, i don't like to discuss the country, because lets face it, everyone already knows 'there is always killing in that country' but for the 'informed', 'Boko haram is at it again in Nigeria' those are the kind of opening discussions i get all the time when people want to talk about Nigeria, but he is my colleague and he is expected to have at least 50% knowledge of sub-Saharan African countries, because that is his division here at work anyway, so i was happy to be intrigued by his knowledge on my dear Nigeria.

So we talked and then he asked how i get to identify people from Nigeria, considering the fact that we have so many ethnic regions and language, (let me tell you this, i was already impressed, because he knows some of the ethnicity that people don't care to know, i know i don't.) so i explained about the Yoruba tribal marks, the accent which you must depict when any one speaks, the fact that every region has an alphabet deficiency and with that you can know who are speaking with... blab bla bla.

Then we went into the most notable people or significant people from Nigeria, he named a guy from my tribe, who is now a Swedish citizen, but he is famous in Estonia as he comes often for concert and stuff, i don't even know the guy, (thanks to google)i did a quick search and learnt what i ought to have known 'as a Nigerian' lol. it was interesting as he talked about so many people, i then told him a very famous writer would be coming to Tallinn sometime in June , i have this information because her book is been translated to Estonian language, and some parts where she used phrases from my native dialect, i 'm helping to get that translated. he was so elated and would like to read her book and maybe get to meet her when she comes.

The conversation took a downturn when he asked about sports, (i should have known this was coming) he talked about how famous my national team is, and that so many of the players are in some major European leagues, i affirmed because this is basic knowledge, but i have no idea who is who, and what football league they play for, (as we say in Nigeria, ''i don fall hand'' which means i disappointed him), he went ahead to name names, and which league they play or played for, and that he went to the UK once to watch and got an Autograph from Kanu Nwankwo, lol... 

This reminded me of when i visited Riga and i was engaged on a conversation about Nigerian football players and i didn't know most of them or their names just skipped my mind, i had to literally apologize to the dude and promised him that i would learn more about them in case someone ever asked me, (i obviously didn't)

Well, having said all this, i will go back and get acquainted with my roots and get interested on things that seem irrelevant to me, but are of worth to others, i mean with all the bad press, it is welcoming to hear that some people have faith in other aspects of Nigeria apart from its political bullshit and terrorist activities. 

US Visa

The quest to travel around and see the world, the itchy feeling you get when you are restricted by boarder control or by obtaining visa or even just by life itself. this is the time when your brain starts somersaulting with so many ideas, you surf the net and you are bombarded with beautiful exotic places you ought to be.

A friend decided to travel to the states this spring break, i helped her, we went online and got all the necessary visa requirements, she prepared all the documents, and we went into filling the form. the questions where just hilarious, i expected more from the great nation, comon! would i really answer yes to the questions 'are you a terrorist or do you plan any terrorist attacks during your visit to the United States, or do you fund any terrorist organisation, or have you directly or indirectly benefited from any terrorist organisation'. the list is endless, but i couldn't help but laugh, who in their  right minds would affirm to any of that?

Anyways we went through that stage and filled the form as honestly as it should be, and just right now at work, she sent me a mail that  she has just finished from the interview and unfortunately she didn't get the visa, she was handed a letter which was pre-prepared as to the reasons why she was rejected. all i understood from the letter was that, she will be graduating sometime in June and she doesn't have any prove that she would return back to Estonia to graduate or that she would not stay in the US for ever.

I feel really sad for her because she just wanted to be a tourist and take pictures in the Hollywood walk of fame (like every tourist does) and take a pic with the huge Hollywood sign showing behind her, this are not things in ones bucket list, but she just got excited in the last week while filling the form and now she is heart broken, who knows, maybe she should have just asked someone for an invite and go through that means rather than applying as a tourist with no family in the US. (just in case i decide to apply, all those i know who have links to the US had better stand as a shorty for me.cos what are friends for?)

we both applied for the UK visa together and we didn't meet with this disappointment, now she feels i am her lucky charm and i let her go alone to the almighty US embassy, i personally don't feel like i was or am her lucky charm, i just think she didn't verbally convince the consular or whoever was interviewing her that she would return after the holiday was over, but i cant tell her that, i just sympathize and try to put myself in her shoes, i mean comon! she paid the visa fee, i know how many watches i would have gotten with that money.(sad)

So i have to go, will be back with more of nothing.

The Feeling of Uncertainty!!

I know i always say 'i'm black and so i cant be depressed' , but for some couple of days now, i have been feeling not so good about my self, my brain capacity, my ability to study and finish something with a presentable result... 

why am i even so bothered about this ish?? i have spoken to people that matter and everyone has one reason or more why i should just let things go and take it as easy as i possibly can.

I am a woman, and most times when i say 'long story' trust me it ain't as long as you expect it to be.

 there is this wonderful lady who happens to 'be paid to impact something meaningful to my life' and for some reason after the 'impacting session' she of cause has to figure out if she has done some kind of work or not, by giving me a kind of test, so every single time, something happens that i have to seek different means to prove to her that ' i was impacted in her class, but mainly by the contributions of others in that impactation class',  i blame myself each time for walking into her class, but lets face it, i don't have much options, the most frustrating part right now is that i always think that each time will be different.(it never is).

Fuck!!! she has drained me this last week, i have had to check and cross check every possible option i have, a friend even told me it was God's will, i don't want to be a hypocrite, but i don't think God will put me in this situation that stresses the life off of me all the time, i was supposed to finish up on my thesis and send a copy to my supervisor this week, but instead i;m looking for classes to substitute for her class i took , having to try and balance my time between work and school(which i thought i wouldn't have any classes this final semester), everything is just haywire for me... i;m sorry if you don't get most of what i'm saying, i'm just too angry to get the right words in a coherent order.

On a totally different note, the supreme court of Nigeria just upheld the governorship election in my home state, now this government will run till 2019, this is actually in my favour, thus making me want to graduate faster and get my self outta this ''amazing'' country, but then again, not all Nigerians want to go back home, this 'fine brother' *winks* wants me to stay back in Europe,(not Estonia). i don't know much about delimas and decision making, but i hope i don't fuck this up for us both.

Nigerians has found a way to recycle  plastic bottles by using them to build a house that is fireproof, bullet proof and Eco friendly, that is great news, seeing that in the last months all i have been getting from home are just bad news about how the present government is fucking up.

Ok, i have managed to say so much in a non correlated way, i'm sorry, but then again, this blog is  about 'everything and nothing'.

My Green Nigerian Passport.

The geographical location of a country determines if that country will be rich or poor, especially with natural endowments, if the country will be landlocked, have easy trade routes, be in the man made regionalisation of north, south ,east and west, or continentalization. 

My country happens to be man named in the western region of the continent Africa, yes it is rich, (but this doesn't matter)in population and natural resources, and crime and corruption and pollution and so  many other vices, these are undeniable facts, but the stigmatization of these facts on every person carrying a green ECOWAS passport at the borders is preposterous, the scrutiny of your belongings, (i mean each and every one of your clothing, food items, very personal items)is just unacceptable. yes the past and present (maybe even future)leaders have made very horrible choices and decision that we now have to bear the consequences, but that don't mean the whole lot of 170 million people are the same, i don't go around looking at every German as a Nazi, i don't judge the 'old money' white people as slave dealers,i don't think every Indian is awesome in sex, i for certain don't think all Estonian's are slow, but for some reason, the world has chosen to think of me as the girl from the terrorist country, with poverty and corruption stinking up her every breath.

I went to see a documentary at the KUMU museum which was about the refuges, and for some reasons, there black Senegalese amongst them, i was bewilded, when did Syrians become west Africans? and then a Morocco drug addict refereed to her dealers as the Nigerian bosses, it seems like a movie where a black person is featured is not complete until Nigeria is mentioned. that also reminded me of the Hollywood movie i saw recently, where Will Smith was playing a Nigerian doctor, i wasn't curious about the content of the movie, but i just wanted to prove to my friends that he will have the 'relate able African Accent' this is the Accent most producers use in there movies to portray Africa, not minding that the continent speaks differently, i mean within the west African region there are more than 50 Accents, but no, if he manages to speak with a deep voice, and weird assent ,slowly counting his words while he speaks then the movie would be said to be properly done.

My Green Nigerian passport is my pride, and i will forever look at it in that manner, although it has given me negative reviews and judgments, it is my lot, and i love it nonetheless.

That moment of fear

Can i have your identification card please?the lady asked me, i was furiously searching my pockets hoping that  there is another pocket within the main pocket, because for some reason, my ID card was not there, i finally found my voice, do i need it to take my parcel? she affirmed and i just turned around to leave, telling her i will be back with it.

 As i walked out of the post office, i was gripped with the fear of the unknown, my brain was going to war with itself trying to retrace my steps back to my desk at home while also searching all the streets and stops i had passed till the post office hoping to find it some where, my mind on the other hand was trying earnestly to assure me that i didn't put it in my pocket, which was a failure because i knew very well that i had them both, my ID and my Bank Card, and now they are no where to be found.

this mind puzzle was freaking me out, the 5 mins bus drive from the city center to my place took an eternity, my head was pounding, i was angry at my self , you know this is not the first time this is happening, but this time around it happened right out of my hands, i just kept muttering 'not again, not again,' t my self, i'm sure the person next to me would think i'm just a crazy black girl, but at that moment, i had no care at all, i was in my own world, scolding myself for my carelessness.

I should have just left them both in the wallet and take the wallet with me, i mean, really, what was wrong with the wallet anyways, why didn't i just take it along? it would be difficult to lose a wallet than losing 2 cards from my pocket, i tried to think if i came to close to anyone who would have have access to pick my pockets, i thought of so many things while harboring a tiny bit of hope that i indeed forgot them on my desk.

Getting home, i didn't bother to undress, i just dashed straight to my desk and my fear increased, as they weren't there, i did leave the house with them but i didn't get to the post office with them, now the question was, where in the world are they?? so i just left and started walking all the way back as i had done earlier, with my head to ground, my eyes bright as a torch, i couldn't miss them, i cant loose them again!

Just there i n the midst of dirt and snow (because it sounds weird to say dirty snow) left behind by a car track, i saw my face looking back at me through my cards, they both lay there obviously crying out from the cold and me leaving them and walking away without any form of cover in this harsh whether, i felt like crying, but mine was to a tear of joy to have my babies back.... i love you , and i will never take you out of the wallet ever again! cant afford to loose you ! i need money to survive and you are the key to that , don't ever leave me again!

I eventually got my long awaited parcel, the universe is back to normal. Hallelujah!!!!