I met this Nigerian girl in 2015 in Tallinn, she claims to be an expert in making cute hair styles, we got to know each other and she happens to come from same region in Nigeria as me, so of course we became more than stylist and customer, we became friends.
When she had a baby in 2016, I was there all through it, I was helping her through the first week of post child birth while writing my thesis in her house as well, needless to say her Son has a special part in my heart. Fast-forward 2018, I got married moved to a different country. but we still maintained the relationship.
In 2014 I met another Nigerian, though we weren't from same region or even same religion, we clicked, she became my person in words and in deed. she knew my struggles and I hers we travelled Europe together she was there for me and I her, In fact after graduation we lived together briefly before I left the country.
Imagine my surprise in 2018 when I heard two of my special friends were having a fall out over rumors' and lies, I was caught in the middle, I received calls from both parties each pleading their case (was this a test on my capacity as a lawyer who hasn't practiced for a long time?) I didn't know how to handle it, and both of them refused to join me in group call to sought it out.
I know it was hard for both of them being in the same country and probably running into each other at the mall, on the bus etc., while fighting, but heck was it hard for me too being in the middle of all that but not physically present and not being able to decipher who speaks the truth and where who went wrong yet expected to pick sides.
My newly married husband without concrete intel to prior knowledge of my relationship with either of them, choose side and expected me to follow up with his decision and cut ties with the other party that he found guilty in his judgment.
Surely he was quick to learn that no one makes decision for me about who to be with.(You would think he should know this, seeing as no one made me marry him) till date he still carries that 'insubordination' of mine into every instance.
In 2021, I went to Tallinn briefly, but before I did, while discussion my accommodation plans, he refused that I stayed with the friend who he found wanting in his judgment from the quarrel earlier mentioned, but the other party wasn't living in Tallinn anymore or even in Europe for that matter. Anyways, I didn't have much of a choice, I stayed with the available friend.
Few months after my visit to Tallinn, the said friend decided to reciprocate my visit and use same opportunity to visit the Alps, so she came to spend some time at my place. unknowing to her that my husband had made an enemy of her before even meeting her and she was walking into the enemy's liar. I however did my best to make her stay very comfortable and he did his best to avoid her as much as he could until she left.
Right after she left, an argument ensued and he mentions that she is a negative influence to me, that he has told me severally to stop speaking to her and I have vehemently refused, that he knows for a fact that any woman that is divorced will not advice another to stay in a marriage and that if I continue to have her as a friend, eventually I would follow in her footstep. this fact comes up in marriage issues all the time it has become number 1 point in every argument.
I found his words offensive, in three ways;
1. It connotes that I am easily swayed, that I do not think for myself, or possibly do not have the capacity to think for myself, therefore I rely on friends to tell me how to live my life.
2.That he is in control of me and I am meant to only take his own advice, that his words are the best advice in the world, and that by marrying me, he gets to control my circle of friends.
3. He thinks I would cut a relationship with a friend just because she is divorced and thereby join the section of Nigerians who think her evil for standing up for herself in an abusive marriage and knowing when to leave.
I decided to finally ask him why he hates her so much, is it because she is divorced, or is it because her Ex husband wasn't able to send her back to Nigeria after the divorce, and he mistakenly blurted out that he knew her from way before and he is just surprised she didn't recognize him or she is acting like she doesn't know him. but he has only ever mentioned that he knows her brother who grew up in a different region than she did, the two siblings grew up miles apart.
Therefore it is logical that they have different circle of friends, and if her brother mentioned his sister to you once, doesn't mean she is supposed to remember you years later.
Hence the tittle of this post.
No comments:
Post a Comment